My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
did i just pee glitter
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
