sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
