I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize