I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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