I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
