I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i've created a new STD.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
