i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
