I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
