I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
