no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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