i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize