dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I believe in your delicious
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
