I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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