Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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