Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
