I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
