felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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