i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
