It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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