So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
