i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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