My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize