"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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