im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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