can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
