In the future we'll all be gay
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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