Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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