At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
