Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
