He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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