the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
