She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
