Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize