It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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