guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
