So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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