go do what you do best...puke behind churches
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
