9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
