they need to just BURY HIM!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
