I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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