dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize
