I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
