Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
