Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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