Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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