Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
