Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm at about main and main street
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
