what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
