one two three fourrrrnication!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
