I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize