I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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