i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
