If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
