there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
