bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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