i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize