I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
