I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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