apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
