Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
