FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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