Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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