And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So vagazzling was a success
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