can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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