so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
