Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
