to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So much rum. So many feels.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
