i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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