I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
