well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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