I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
