i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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