My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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