she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize