I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize