I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
