YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
