fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
