I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The best revenge is premature balding
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
