You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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