Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
