I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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