I just cut my nipple shaving
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
