Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
