Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
