When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
