But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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